|
Join
our Free Daily Email Horoscopes Group
Cat
Horoscope Dog Horoscope
Free
Online Tarot Readings
Astrology and Driving
Sun Sign Astrology: An
Intriguing Scorpion
Your Astrological Sign And You
Diet Weight Loss by the
Horoscope Zodiac Signs
Astrological Help May Prove Fruitful
For Your Career
Free Horoscope Chart
Free Online Biorhythm Charts
View Today's Daily Transits, Moon Position and Moon
Phase
Read Your Daily Online Horoscopes and Weekly -
Site Index
Sun Mon
Tue Wed Thurs
Fri Sat Weekly
Monthly
The Astrology of Intimacy
by Jeff Jawer
Love and relationships are high on the list of concerns for most human beings.
There are some solitary souls who are quite content to live without a primary
partner, but most of us choose to pursue intimate relationships for many
different reasons. A loving partner helps keep away the cold, not only warming
the bed, but by supporting your dreams and listening to your fears. Close
companionship is the way of the world for the majority, but modern society has
made it an extremely complex process.
In traditional cultures, when the roles of men and women were more neatly (if
unequally) defined, there was community and family support for couples. But in
today’s world many of us have moved far from our families of origin. And, even
if they are close by, extended families are rare and community support for
couples is virtually non-existent. A modern couple expects more from a
relationship than did couples living in pre-industrial societies. They are not
just lovers and sometimes parents, they are also business partners and best
friends. It’s no longer enough to love your partner and to do the daily work of
maintaining your household, you must understand one another, crossing the divide
of male and female as new roles for both sexes continue to emerge. Same sex
couples have their issues as well, individuality being stronger then gender.
Love is not enough. To live together in an intimate relationship there are other
criteria that must be met. Love, in fact, is very different to different people.
Fiery love means that I feel great when I think of you. It is a Leo-like
projection of the ego, basking in the glory of romantic love. My love for you
comes from my heart. You may trigger it, but it’s my creation. Listening doesn’t
necessarily enter the picture. Watery love is more Lunar, it is about responding
to the other person’s needs, even the unstated ones. The fiery lover may be
surprised to discover that the other is unsatisfied. "But, I love you honey," I
might say, meaning that my heart opens at the thought of you. Energy flows from
me to you. Yet the other needs to be heard, to be felt, to be received…to be
loved like the Moon.
Astrologers generally consider Venus to be the planet of love. This, however, is
somewhat misleading. Venus describes the form in which an individual can
recognize love or approval. The sign, house and aspects involving the natal
Venus can describe the ways in which the person gained appreciation within the
family structure. So someone with Venus in Capricorn might be appreciated for
her sense of discipline, while someone else with Venus in Cancer was approved
for her sensitive and caring nature. Venus, then, is a highly socialized planet,
one whose expression doesn’t necessarily correspond with our deepest needs, but
is a learned value.
Venus is a step towards intimacy, it is the sweet attraction that pulls us
towards another person (or him/her towards us). Magnetism, though, is not
intimacy, it’s not even love. But it is important, vital in fact, if a
meaningful relationship is going to develop. However, relationships primarily
built on Venus contacts may not last long or go very deep. Venus is a
"horizontal" planet. It has to do with how we reach out to another person or
object that attracts us. It does not, however, necessarily reflect our deepest
needs. These needs, this pathway to intimacy, falls in the domain of the Moon.
The Moon is the primary feminine archetype in astrology. The relationship with
mother is the basis for all future relationships. It was one of total
dependency, the only physically necessary relationship in life. We can not exist
without mother’s presence (at least until birth). Fathers are vital for
conception, after that they’re optional, albeit desirable. Closeness, then,
comes through the Moon. It comes through connecting with our deepest needs,
recognizing them and taking the risk to share them with the person we love. This
vulnerability is a key element of intimacy. If we don’t let our partner in we
live parallel lives, rather than lives of true intimacy. Now we don’t all have
the same needs here. Someone with the Moon in Cancer is likely to have a very
different notion of closeness than someone with the Moon in Aquarius. Each has
lunar needs, needs to be fed and to be heard, but the forms can be very
different. The Moon in Cancer needs, above all, to belong, to have that watery
connection of feeling that you are both in the same circle. The Aquarius Moon,
though, needs space and freedom, and can find security within a less tightly
bound relationship. In any case, though, the Moon is what allows us to join at a
deep emotional level.
When we stay at the level of Venus, however, the need to be liked dominates the
need to be heard. Closeness requires a willingness to move past the approval
level and touch the soul. When we share our deepest feelings, fears and secrets
we can open ourselves. Letting the other in is a challenge, particularly for men
or women with strong Fire in their charts. Receiving is as much of an art as
giving. Working with the Moon means allowing for changes, for inconsistencies.
We’re not talking about a fixed model of ideal partnership, we’re seeking a
living relationship between growing and changing human beings.
We can understand Venus as describing what we like, sort of what tastes good to
us. But like sweet sugar in the mouth, the pleasure it gives is nice, but might
not be very fulfilling. The Moon describes what feeds us. Therefore, it is
important that we understand the relationship between Venus and the Moon in our
natal charts. If the two are in conflict, extra attention may need to be paid to
make sure that pleasure feeds us, rather than leaving us undernourished. Someone
with Venus in Cancer, for example, might appreciate the cozy and caring aspects
of a love affair. But if the Moon is in Aries, space for spontaneity must also
be included. This person can be very responsive to the partner much of the time
(all other chart factors being equal), but suddenly pull away to reclaim her/his
individual space. This can lead to confusion for both partners. It’s really
about addressing two very different needs. The difficulty is that Venus and the
Moon are close enough in their natures to mislead us into reading one for the
other. Liking and needing are not the same thing. The form of love (Venus) and
the substance of emotion (the Moon) may or may not be similar for a given
individual.
Conflicts in the horoscope, as with conflicts in life, are not about choosing
one over the other. If we place the intimacy needs of the Moon over the pleasure
needs of Venus we can have unpleasant closeness, like a couple locked together
in a grim dance of survival. If the more superficial aspects of Venus dominate
we can dine at the table of pleasure yet still feel empty inside. The key is to
acknowledge and accept our conflicting needs. Knowing which one is appropriate
at a given moment is helpful. That means dragging out your Scorpio Moon need for
intensity in a public place might not go over very well. Or that your Venus in
Aries taste for independence showing up when your partner is in emotional crisis
may be ill-timed. Everything has its time and place and overcoming much of
astrological conflict is about putting the right foot forward at the right time.
Another take on the conflict, lets’ say between Venus in Aries and the Moon in
Scorpio, is that there are many steps between their seemingly contrasting
positions. We often find ourselves stuck between two choices. However, we are
whole, the universe is whole and there are connections between any two elements
in existence. Learning the many subtle steps between conflicting points means
building bridges between the disparate parts of ourselves. Astrology does a good
job of dicing and slicing us up into so many planets, signs and houses. But, we
need to remember that no piece is isolated from the rest. Even a seemingly
isolated planet, one without aspects, for example, lives within the same solar
system and within the same person as the rest of the chart. The lack of
connections is apparent, not real. You can take the isolated planet and imagine
conversations with the other planets. What are their common points of interest?
If you can’t find any you need to expand your astrological vocabulary, because
underlying the obvious differences between the planets and the signs is a
unifying pattern that connects every part with every other part. In fact,
learning how to merge and then separate is essential to attaining intimacy.
While the rewards of intimacy are considerable, the fears of intimacy are
equally strong for most people. This is because intimacy, coming closer to
another, merging fields and feelings, threatens one’s identity. As much as we
want the closeness, there is a natural resistance to it. If I include you in the
center of my being where am I? Where is my old familiar self? The unconscious
works powerfully to maintain the status quo, even an unhappy one. Fear of losing
oneself is a powerful motivation to avoid too much closeness. However, this too
can be included as part of the dance of love.
Love, in a living form, is not constant. We don’t feel the same way about one
another every day, because we don’t feel the same way about ourselves. Now I’m
not talking about wild mood swings here, just the natural ebb and flow of
attraction that is part of the human condition. Venus’ attraction is balanced by
Mars’ struggle to maintain individuality. This is why couples need to fight, to
push one another away to regain their individuality. When this is conscious it
can be included in the dance, a normal process that neither has to be ashamed
of. I’ve often found that after my wife and I have moved yet another step closer
to one another, when we’ve push aside another veil of separateness, we react
soon after by creating distance between us. We need to assimilate this deepening
of our partnership. I need to be sure that Jeff is there in the middle of the
expanding intimacy with my wife. When this is allowed no feelings are hurt, we
don’t have to dramatize our individual needs and can stay in a flow that will
bring us closer again the next time around.
While Venus and the Moon present one pair of issues around intimacy, the 7th and
8th houses present another. The 7th is the traditional house of marriage or
primary partnership. The 8th, though, is the "body" of the relationship, the
place where the meeting begun in the 7th is consummated. If a partner meets the
symbolism of the 7th, but not the 8th house, it’s likely that the relationship
will not deepen. The front may be fine, but the core may stay unfulfilled. If
the 8th house contact is good, but the 7th is not, you might not even meet the
other person. Since there are often different signs on the cusps of the 7th and
8th houses, signs that are adjacent to one another, not natural allies (i.e.
trine or sextile one another), the implication is that intimate relationships
require several different qualities to make them work. Connecting at a deep
level is not like putting a key into a lock and turning it. It’s more like a
combination lock in which a number of different pieces need to fit into place
before it opens.
Since houses 7 and 8 refer to "others" they are ripe for projection. This means
that rather than expressing ourselves in these areas of the chart we seek
partners to fulfill their qualities for us. If you have Mars in the 7th you may
seek out partners who are dynamic, independent self-starters. While this is not
inappropriate, the concern is that you will not be dynamic, independent or a
self-starter yourself. This is projection, giving away parts of yourself to
others. The 7th and 8th houses (as well as the rest of the chart for that
matter) are about you. They are about the qualities you need to express in any
partnership. Ideally, your partner will support these qualities in you. If not,
the relationship will not be a place of growth. The 7th and 8th houses are about
you. Don’t give them away to someone else.
What is compatibility? Astrological convention holds that harmonious aspects
between charts are the significant factors for a positive relationship.
Certainly, a degree of harmony (or similarity) is necessary for successful
partnership. However, it may be useful to have a blend of challenging and easy
aspects for best results. For example, Venus and Mars have a great deal to do
with sexual compatibility. Mutual trines and sextiles can make for an easy flow
of energy, yet that might become boring over time. However, some harmony mixed
with a challenging aspect, i.e. your Venus is trine your partner’s Mars, your
partner’s Venus is opposite yours, can keep a level of dynamism that will
continue to make sex an interesting subject for you two.
Couples tend to create their own little universe. If both agree on something
then it must be true. This can limit the development of the two individuals when
their charts, or parts of them, are too similar. What’s called compatibility may
simply be shared neuroses. It is useful, then, that couples don’t have all their
planets align harmoniously. A little tension not only makes life interesting,
but it helps keep perspective in the partnership. The esoteric writer Dion
Fortune believed that an ideal relationship showed alternating similarity and
dissimilarity between the seven chakras. This pattern may deepen a relationship
by bringing the right balance of the old and new so that a relationship grows,
rather than remain static.
It’s also true that some people don’t want or need traditional compatibility. If
Uranus is in your 7th or 8th house you likely need to experience differences
through relationship, to be awakened to new patterns. Gravitating to someone who
is very different than you doesn’t have to be a disaster. With a few key
positive connections to hold the relationship together, it might be just what
you need. These key connections are most likely to involve the Moon, Sun,
1st-7th axis or the Moon’s Nodes. These are all critical points that can provide
the glue to help a couple work through their differences and maintain a growing
partnership. Sometimes you’ll see a chart with wonderful Venus and Mars aspects,
but if none of these key points are included it’s not likely that the
relationship will endure.
Of course, the length of a relationship is only one measure of its success (or
its partners’ stubbornness). We can have successful short-term relationships if
we are able to learn from them. Each of us has our own way of measuring whether
the investment of time, energy and emotion is worth the effort. We can meet
someone who will help us open one door within ourselves, making the contact very
important even if it fails on other levels.
When I do compatibility analysis for a couple I don’t start by comparing the two
natal charts. I begin by examining each chart individually. This provides the
foundation for understanding the couple because it recognizes the individuality
of each of the partners. The natal chart is the key to intimacy. For example, it
is very difficult to receive love from someone else when you are unable to give
it to yourself. The primary work in counseling couples is to help each person
become aware of his or her issues and needs. When a person has a healthy respect
for self and a willingness to be vulnerable the doors of intimacy open. The
ground of a healthy relationship is two healthy individuals. Health here is not
about perfection, total clarity or lack of ignorance. Health is the willingness
to learn, to open ourselves, to speak and to listen. When this kind of aliveness
is present intimacy arrives. And, with continued care and watering, it will
flourish for a long, long time.
Other Daily Horoscopes on
the Net
All Free
Horoscopes
Daily Love Horoscopes
Abby's
Free Horoscopes
Aaron's Horoscopes
Horoscopes4Free
Astrostar Horoscopes
Astrale Horoscopes
123 Free Horoscopes
Jonathan Cainer
Horoscopes
AstroSurf Daily
Horoscopes
Atzec
Astrologer Daily Horoscopes
Swoon Horoscopes
Duncan Expose Daily Horoscopes
12 Sign Horoscopes
AZDE's Daily Horoscopes
Dell Daily
Horoscopes
Jeraldine Saunders' Horoscopes
Joyce
Jillson Daily Horoscopes
Homepagers Daily Horoscope
Daily
Horoscopes 4U
123India Horoscopes
Lucky Horoscopes
Daily
Kozmik Horoscope
Daily Horoscopes
AAHoroscopes
SF Gate
Daily Horoscopes
AstroServices
Daily Horoscope
Russell Grant's
Astro Tarot Horoscopes
IndoLink Daily Predictions
ArtCharts Daily
Forecast
AstroSpeak Daily Horoscopes
MSN Daily Horosocopes
Daily Stars Daily
Horoscope
Starlight
Astrology Daily Horoscopes
Excite Daily
Horoscopes
Horoscope
Universe
Free
Daily Horoscope Newsletter
Mystic
Stars Daily Horoscope
New Age Cities Horoscope
12th House
Daily Horoscopes
Daily Biorhythms
Just fill in the form and click on submit for your free personalized
horoscope.
Subscribe
to Our Free Daily Horoscopes. Have your free horoscopes sent out each day to
your email address.
|
